shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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