I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
