Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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