I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
