you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
