so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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