he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
