I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize