hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
