On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
