I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
