In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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