I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Who died my cat blue again?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize