ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
