Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
