I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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