Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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