i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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