I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
