but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
