need another drink. this is the easiest way
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
