Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
