how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
