Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
