So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
