Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize