2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
