The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
