so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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