What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize