im six kinds of drunk right now
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
