Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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