brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
