Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
