where am i from again
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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