So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
