the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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