The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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