but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
