Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Randomize
