im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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