for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
