I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize