I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
