I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
