I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
