I can text with my tongue
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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