I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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