Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize