I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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