i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
