it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
