it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
