so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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