So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
