In the future we'll all be gay
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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