JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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