I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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