she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize