When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
