theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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