I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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