Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
