I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
