She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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