Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
