I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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