This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
