Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
