i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
