Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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