I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
