did you get engaged???
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
