I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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