Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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