last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
