I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
