apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
