Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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