thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
