I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
