He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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