that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
