she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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