it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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