i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The ass gains better be worth it
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