Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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