glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
