People with herpes should wear stickers.
she looked like the before picture.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
