While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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