He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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