I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
