just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize