Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
