I just threw up on my dentist
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
