i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
