If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
