Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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