How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
