i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you will always have a special place in my vag
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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