eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
