I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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