You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize