Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
