the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
