Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
