i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
